“We love Him, because He first loved us.“
1 John 4:19
From the time I was nine years old until I left home, I was abused physically, mentally and emotionally. A year after I moved out, I was in a relationship with a newly discharged U. S. Army soldier, which also turned abusive. We were living together in the north central part of the United States, near some of my family members. He was attending the local college. He would go to school, then come home and want his dinner. He was not happy in the relationship, because he did not feel I was good enough for him. So if I did not have dinner ready or I wasn’t doing what he thought I should be doing we would wind up in a fight with fists flying. Since we had been together, I had suffered several busted lips and black eyes, a broken nose, a sprained back and a dislocated jaw. One evening, he did not come home. This was very unusual. I knew what was going on but I didn’t mind. I really didn’t want him to come home. This gave me a chance to have a nice long chat with God.
The clock was ticking away. My boyfriend normally came home around 5:00 p.m., but it was already 7:30 p.m., then it was 10:00 and so on. The television was turned off, and I reached for my Bible, if memory served me right, but I could not find anything in the scriptures that made sense or even soothed me. Finally, at approximately 2:00 a.m., I began just speaking out to God and asking him questions. “Why have I always been beaten up and beaten down, God? “I was only nine years old when things started going bad for me, Lord, what did I do that was so bad?” “Why was life so hard for me?” “Why didn’t anybody love me, God?” “Why wasn’t I worth anything to anybody, Lord?”
I wasn’t getting anything, I was just speaking and talking to an empty room. Being raised, I had been taught about the Lord all my life. The household was run teaching the “laws of the Lord”, but the “love of the Lord” was omitted. My parents may have beaten two or three times through the week, yet every Sunday they were in church crying and going forward at the altar call to re-dedicate themselves to the Lord. An iron fist was constantly over my head at home. I loved going to church, it was a nice respite for me. I had a great regard for the God, but I didn’t know why. I had never experienced any “manifestation” of God in our home, I just blindly loved God.
Finally, as I lay in the dark on the bed around 3:00 a.m., I got mad! I, sarcastically, called out, “Alright GOD, IF you are there and IF you’re real, then you take me, and make me, mold me and fold me into what You want me to be.” No sooner had I gotten the words out of my mouth, I SUDDENLY and literally felt Jesus enter into my body!! It took my breath away! If I had not already been laying down, I would have been knocked off my feet! The weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders and I was so overtaken with joy I could not contain myself!! I kept praising and thanking the Lord!! Then, once I calmed down, something TRULY AMAZING happened!!
Everything went quiet, a tremendous peace came over me and a WONDERFUL presence entered the room. Then, in a deep, sweet, calm, LOVING and audible voice I heard Him speak to me. I will NEVER forget it! He told me that He loved me. He told me that sometimes He has to allow us to hit our lowest point so that we will reach out to Him. He also told me His grace was sufficient for me. And He was right. He let me know He would always be with me no matter how many others would come and go in my life, He would ALWAYS be there with me, no matter what the circumstance (Deut. 31:6). Then, after all my questions were addressed, I was comforted. With much peace in my heart and joy in my spirit, it was 4:00 a.m. and I finally was able to fall asleep. When my boyfriend arrived home an hour later, he woke me and we had come to grips with our relationship being over. I couldn’t allow this man to ruin the joy I had experienced that night. The decision was made that we needed to go our separate ways. A few days later, I left and made a new life for myself.
You see, it was the Lord’s LOVE that pulled me into believing in Him. It’s HIS LOVE that makes me want to know HIM more and grow in that relationship. He HAS always been there with me, in good or bad times. He has been my friend, even when no other could be found. Do you know the Jesus or the LOVE only He can offer? Have you asked Him to forgive your sins and come into your heart? If not, I know He is waiting for you to do so(2 Peter 3:9). If you don’t know how, you can go to your local ministry or church; if that is not an option, you can always call us and we will be happy to take you through the steps. Don’t be shy. I wasn’t, I was very agitated. He will meet you where you are.. But one thing I can assure you, He will meet you with His LOVE.